


Out Beyond Wrong (Out Beyond Right)

by takearisk



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark Rey (Star Wars), F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Good Boy Ben Solo, because if we're gonna do rey palpatine, canon age gap, its canonverse but it ain't canon, no one dies because that's stupid, retelling the sequel trilogy from the beginning, reydemption, reylo reversed(?), some alternate universe shenanigans, spies in MY star wars???, we might as well do it right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22066084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takearisk/pseuds/takearisk
Summary: Thirty years after the fall of the Galactic Empire, Han Solo and his son, Ben, search for Luke Skywalker and join the fight with the Resistance, led by General Leia Organa, against Kira Ren and the First Order.Also summarized as: The Rise of Skywalker was stupid so I'll write my own damn trilogy. I've thought a lot about what would be different if Ben had told his uncle about the voices in his head, if Leia had told her son about her true parentage before it was splashed on headlines, if Rey Palpatine had been the intention since the beginning. So that's where this picks up. A gift for Destinee (reyclipse) because she is my rock and genuine ray of sunshine.I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH - THIS IS CANON DIVERGENT
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Stormpilot If You Squint - Relationship
Comments: 72
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reyclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyclipse/gifts).



****

*** * ***

**\- 24 ABY -**

_It is the first cool day of autumn, and Ben is grateful for the break in stifling jungle heat. Yavin IV seasons typically last several years and summer had been long and wet, the climate reaching suffocating levels of humidity._

_He’d escaped the temple earlier in the day, begging off afternoon meditation with the request that he spend his period of reflection surrounded by the rainforest. Luke only met him with mild suspicion before relenting. The last couple of months, his uncle has permitted him more and more freedom, which at 18, he takes full advantage of._

_The new Jedi Temple has been his home for almost seven years, and it is only recently that Ben feels he’s made a place for himself. Developing a camaraderie with his instructors and fellow students took longer than anyone in his family would have thought; but after what his mother lovingly refers to as his rocky teen years, he eventually settles into himself and into his relationship with the force._

_Luke would say it is a combination of meditation and self-confidence, but Ben isn't convinced._

_And he is not, at the moment, meditating._

_Unless climbing up a waterfall is a form of inner contemplation. Somehow, he doesn't think so, but he craves the familiar strain in his muscles and gratifying burn in his lungs._

_Pulling himself over the edge of the cliff, Ben collapses onto his back and stares up at the blue-grey sky. His clothes are soaked through and his hair sticks to his cheeks, but he leans into the fatigue as his mind goes blissfully blank. He steadies his breath, four counts in and eight counts out, and lets his senses expand._

_The jungle teems with life around him. Birds flutter between the trees, fish school and dart in the river beneath him, insects dance in the late afternoon sun. A bright white force signature approaches through the trees._

_“I thought I might find you here-” The new arrival speaks from directly behind him. Ben tilts his head back to see the upside down silhouette of his uncle and stifles a groan._

Busted.

_He sits up quickly, stammering, “I was just-”_

_“Engaging in independent study?” Luke interrupts with a twinkle in his eye. His uncle looks out over the falls serenely before folding himself into a sitting position. Ben waits for the admonishment but it doesn't come. Instead, Luke lets out a weary sigh. “I understand your need for physical exertion. There is a simplicity in letting your body quiet your mind when you can’t do it yourself..” Luke levels him with an evaluating stare. “What’s bothering you?”_

_Ben pulls a strand of algae from his sleeve and tries to put the empty feeling in the back of his mind into words. “That’s the problem... nothing.”_

_Lifting his chin in understanding, Luke runs a hand thoughtfully over his dark beard._

_“It’s been almost a year since the voices ceased?”_

_Ben nods once and feels bile in the back of his throat at the memories. The voice, or voices, had been no more than whispers, sowing seeds of unworthiness and inadequacies. Weaving distrust and dissatisfaction into his training and into his relationships with his family and peers._

_He'd been fourteen when the voices finally scared him enough to tell Luke, and his uncle immediately instructed him on how to build walls around his mind. They spent days in the upper meditation chamber, wrapping the Force around them and trying to root out the source of Ben’s torment._

_They never identified the voices but by the time he was sixteen, they started to fade. He still felt the sneaking rage and resentment at the corners of his mind, but it fell flat. The voice wasn’t as convincing as it used to be and Luke encouraged him to fight back. Whenever a negative thought tried to take root, he would find a way to disregard it. His instructors weren’t treating him with cautionary fear, they were teaching him the basics of theory before entrusting him with the practical. His fellow students didn’t look at him with bitterness and distaste, they were intimidated by his natural affinity with the Force and his familial connection to Luke. His mother didn’t resent him, his father didn’t find him useless, Chewie didn’t think he was an obligation-_

_Then one morning, Ben awoke, and they were gone. His mind clear and the burden that weighed on him for seventeen years lifted._

_“I won’t pretend that your parents and I weren’t…” Luke pauses, “ relieved when the malintent directed at you stopped. Leia and I have been honest with you regarding the history of our family-”_

_A pang shoots through Ben’s chest at the reminder of who Anakin Skywalker was, who he’d become. Viscerally recollecting the night his mother and Luke told him the truth about their birth father._

_“Just because whoever preyed on you has stopped, doesn’t mean they won’t try again. You have guarded yourself well these past months and I would counsel vigilance. You’ll need it in the years to come.”_

_“I understand, Master.” replies Ben, instinctively knowing when he is nephew and when he is apprentice._

_“Now-” The corner of Luke’s mouth twitches with the beginnings of a smirk, “to the real reason I sought you out this afternoon.”_

_Ben blinks and furrows his brow in confusion._

_“I’m leaving today,” Luke says without preamble. “And I have two favors to ask, if you’ll indulge me.” Ben sits up a little straighter and waits for his uncle to continue. “First, I’ll be off planet for a little over a week, and I’d like you to guide the morning centering exercises-”_

_“What? ” Ben exclaims, wondering if this is a creative form of punishment for skipping lessons. “You can’t expect me to-”_

_“I do expect you to,” interrupts Luke, holding up a hand to silence Ben’s protests. “Passing on what you have learned is central to the life of a Jedi… and I think it will be instructive for you to take a more active role with the children. Patience is a skill you have not yet mastered.”_

_Ben’s shoulders slump and he lets out a soft curse. He avoids the youngest residents of the academy on purpose, having no use for the kids still learning to channel the Force in the most basic ways. That, and they always put the holocrons back in the wrong spot. Sometimes, he wonders if they do it just to annoy him._

_“Secondly,” Luke continues, “I will most likely be bringing someone back with me.”_

_This piques Ben’s interest. Luke hasn't sought out a new pupil in years, allowing the families of prospective students to initiate the process, before deciding if the Jedi path is right for their child._

_“Like you and I, she comes from an ancestry that is less than virtuous. Though, it’s doubtful she is aware of this-”_

_“Who is she?” Ben asks before he can stop himself, his imagination conjuring up all kinds of ideas._

_Luke sucks on his teeth for a long moment before answering. “Ben, please know that it’s not that I don’t trust you, but it seems unfair of me to willingly share that information before she knows it herself. We would not wish for someone to judge us by the sins of our father and grandfather. I would ask that you give her the same respect.”_

_Ben nods, but his curiosity is not sated._

_“My request is that you keep an eye on our newcomer. Befriend her, look out for her-”_

_“You want me to be babysitter?” Ben deadpans._

_Luke sighs impatiently, “I want you to be a mentor.”_

_“Same difference.”_

_“Ben,” Luke pinches the bridge of his nose, “you aren’t going to be an apprentice forever. Someday you will take pupils of your own, and I’d like for you to be prepared when you do.”_

_Crossing his arms, Ben lets out a huff. Knighthood seems like a lifetime away, a pin-prick of light at the end of an annoyingly long tunnel. There is nothing he wants more than to be released to his own devices, to be sent on expeditions of knowledge, to travel and collect artifacts from all corners of the galaxy._

_Realizing how petulant he probably looks, Ben forces himself to relax._

_“Fine,” He relents. “I’ll babysit your prodigy.”_

_He knows his uncle well enough to know when Luke is resisting the urge to roll his eyes._

* * *

**\- 34 ABY -**

Ben lurched forward from sleep, ash in his mouth and smoke in his lungs. He tried to shake the lingering memory from his head but the flames roared behind his closed eyelids and if he concentrated, he could still feel the heat of them on his skin. Several deep breaths cooled the inferno and it took him a moment to register the comlink trilling loudly on the bedside table.

He activated the device and grunted out a swift, “Hello?”

“Hey kid, you look like crap-”

“Dad?” Ben rubbed the sleep from his eyes as the pixilated torso of Han Solo came into focus. “How did you get this frequency?”

“Your mother gave it to me.”

“Oh, are you two are speaking again?”

“Very funny.”

Ben wasn’t trying to be funny, it was honestly impossible to keep up with his parent’s tumultuous marriage. “What do you want dad?”

“We need your help,” Han implored, “separately. Your mother has a request and I have a favor. We both need your help, but separately-”

“You said that already.” Still half asleep, Ben found it hard to follow his father’s ramblings. He sat up on the cot and let his feet dangle over the side. “I’m already on a job for Mom. Does this take precedence?”

“She heard from an old family friend,” Han’s voice dropped solemnly. “He thinks he has something that can help find Luke.”

All dregs of tiredness disappeared in an instant. “What- Who? _How_?”

“I don’t have any info besides a name and a location.” 

_Find Luke_. In the four years since his uncle vanished, Ben chased down every lead, every whisper, every clue until the trail went cold. He could hardly allow himself to believe this time would be different.

“Wait-” Ben faltered. “What’s your favor?”

Han finally had the good sense to look sheepish. “I’ve got a lead on the Falcon.”

Ben groaned and let his head fall into his hands. 

“I ran into a spacer last week,” His father continued. “On his way through the Western Reaches he overheard the Irving Boys grumbling about stealing back a freighter-”

“Give it up dad!” Ben heaved an exasperated sigh. “It’s been years-”

“I am getting my ship back.”

Running a rough hand through his hair, Ben mulled it over. If his father wanted him to tag along, that meant Han was expecting a fight, and if Ben was anything, he was good in a fight. He was also anxious to get out of this junk of a tavern where he was renting a room. Ben wasn’t suited to spywork and he seriously missed having a ‘fresher with running water.

“I’m at Black Spire Outpost-” he conceded, his spirits lifting at the thought of leaving the backwater planet of Batuu. 

Han grinned in triumph. “We can pick you up in eighteen standard hours.”

Checking the chrono, Ben started to plan out how many contacts he could follow up with in that window of time. Absentmindedly he asked, “Where exactly are we going?” 

Han hesitated before answering, “Jakku-”

And his heart plummeted. 

* * *

In truth, retrieving the Millenium Falcon was much less dramatic than Ben expected. The boss running Niima Outpost was pitifully weak minded and a gentle nudge was all it took to get Unkar Plutt to accept the minimal credits Chewie offered in exchange for the YT freighter. 

“Still gives me the creeps when you do that,” Han muttered from beneath his hood. 

“Beats shooting someone,” Ben hissed back, having experienced his father’s trigger happy fingers on more than one occasion. 

Sweat beaded on his forehead and down the back of his neck as the three of them left the shaded market and made their way to the shipyard.

They found the Falcon, rusted out and covered and dirt, parked next to a red quadjumper. After briefly examining the hull, Han and Chewie clambered up the ramp, blasters drawn, while Ben kept watch. The desert sun scorched the sand, the heat permeating the thick soles of his boots, but he was only half paying attention to his surroundings. The rippling waves on the horizon did little to calm his unease. 

Niima Outpost deeply unsettled him. 

“We’re clear,” Han called down, pulling Ben from his daze.

“I need to make a stop on our way to Tuanul.” He asserted, charging up the ramp in three long strides and interrupting his father’s mutterings about compressors. 

Han shot him a questioning glance. “What for?”

“I just do-” Ben said defensively. 

His father watched him for a long moment, but thankfully didn’t press it.

The ship took off after some gentle persuasion, and one good whack from Han’s fist. His father and Chewie were overjoyed at finally having the Millenium Falcon back in their possession, but Ben was too preoccupied with what he’d seen to rejoice alongside them. He’d done more than nudge the Crolute’s decision making. He’d taken memories from Unkar Plutt. Memories about a little girl who had a knack for finding good junk. 

Ben kept his attention on the ground as they approached the starship graveyard, his eyes peeled for a very specific landmark.

“There-” Ben pointed off to the left. “Can you put her down just past that ridge?”

As it descended, the Falcon kicked up a cloud of sand that rattled the viewports and bent the shadows on the bridge. 

“Give me ten minutes-” Ben turned on his heel, too distracted to notice the meaningful glance that passed between Han and Chewie. 

The downed AT-AT lay half covered by the ever shifting dunes and Ben had to walk around it twice before finding a hatch on the underside. The gears were rusted shut, even a bit of coaxing from the Force couldn’t budge the locking mechanism. Sitting back on his heels, Ben thought through his options. He could give up, go back to the ship, fulfill the mission, and leave Jakku continuing on as he’d done before... 

But something tugged at him in a way he couldn’t ignore. He needed to see this. There was something significant he needed to find inside. In the back of his mind, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Luke’s, recited an old Jedi verse about maintaining compassion for enemies and he was seized by an overwhelming obligation to bear witness to the life she lived before.

Activating his lightsaber, Ben cut through the latch and pulled open the access door. He ducked into the makeshift shelter, holding his saber out in front of him like a torch. The interior bay showed unmistakable signs of abandonment, power lines hung stripped from glow panels, sand accumulated in the corners, and several gaping chunks sat empty in the control board.

Insight knocked on the door of his consciousness and Ben hesitated for a short moment before expanding his awareness and letting the illusion in. He pictured her as she was when they first met; skinny, dirty, and on the cusp of adolescence. She flickered in and out of his line of sight as he watched her rebuild an imperial flight simulator, devour a ration dinner in several quick bites, curl up on her corner cot that was more like a nest, scratch another day into the wall next to a long line of marks just like it-

Ben pulled himself from the vision and blinked away hot tears. 

Knowing she grew up in this place, and seeing it first hand, were two very different things. 

* * *

The village of Tuanul stuck out on the horizon, a dark mass of huts and shelters casting long shadows in the setting sun. Ben watched without really seeing as Han and Chewie brought the ship down on the east side of the crater, behind the largest of outcroppings, and killed the engines. He was lost to the fog of guilt and regret, chasing down _could’ve beens_ and _what ifs_ , and hardly noticed the two fingers snapping together in front of his face. 

“Hey-” Han clipped. “You with us?”

Ben blinked and sucked in a breath. “Yeah, I’m good.”

His father quirked a brow. “You sure?” 

Ben ignored him and stood to get a better look over the edge of the rocks. 

“You used disappear like that when you were a kid,” Han adjusted the holster around his waist, watching Ben intently. “Scared the living kriff outta me-”

 _He isn’t scared of you, he’s scared for you._

The old words echoed in his head, a habit that never seemed to fade, even though he was well into adulthood.

They left Chewie behind with the Falcon, Han and Ben scrabbling down the uneven path that led to the outskirts of town. Darkness crept up quickly, the temperature dropping with each passing minute. Ben kept a tight lid on the Force, his own warring emotions enough to overwhelm his senses. He didn’t need additional energy signatures and outside influences adding to his discontent. A few of the villagers watched them approach, looking wary, but no one intercepted their path. 

Not much was known about the Church of the Force, and the communities that sprung up in the wake of the Galactic Civil War, but Ben knew enough to deduce that these people were no friend to the First Order. 

He hoped that would be enough to safeguard their presence here.

A deep sigh sounded from behind him, a tell tale sign that Han was about to impart some worthless piece of advice and Ben walked on, refusing to acknowledge his father. He didn’t want to try and explain the churning feelings in his chest or the shame that sat in his stomach like a brick.

“Whatever you’re blaming yourself for-” Han reached out and grabbed Ben’s elbow, pulling him to a stop. “It’s not your fault.”

Ben focused on a spot just past his father’s shoulder, refusing to meet his gaze. _Wasn’t it though?_ If there was one thing he’d learned in the years since Luke disappeared, it was that destiny was a sword with two edges, and if it wasn’t his fault, then whose?

“Han Solo?” A shaky voice asked from the shadows. “And Ben! I hardly recognized you-”

Lor San Tekka leaned out of a curtained doorway looking thin and weathered. He’d aged significantly since the last time Ben saw him. Gone was the explorer who would bring back artifacts for Luke and tell Ben stories of his travels. What remained looked like an echo, an empty shell of the man he used to be.

“Come in, come in-” He pulled the canvas back, gesturing for them to follow. Ben cast a glance around the quiet street once before ducking inside. San Tekka’s residence was no more than a one room hut. The furniture was sparse and minimalist, only a small table in the front corner and a canopy bed on the opposite side. 

“I had no idea the princess would send you two,” San Tekka called over his shoulder, kneeling down to rummage through a large wooden chest. 

Han quirked a crooked grin, keeping his eyes on their host, “She’s a general now.”

“I heard,” San Tekka chuckled. He found whatever he was looking for and straightened, every movement looked like it pained him. Turning to face Ben, he held out a small pouch. “This will begin to make things right.”

Ben accepted it, feeling smooth leather against his palm. “What is it?”

“A star chart,” San Tekka said simply. “There were rumors of a Jedi temple in this sector of the unknown regions.”

Heart leaping into his throat, Ben stamped down the parts of him that dared to hope. Before he vanished, Luke had mentioned trying to find the origination of the Jedi, but he’d rambled so much in the days following the incident, Ben never gave it much thought until he was gone.

 _The incident._ It seemed ridiculous to call it that, but in the aftermath it seemed kinder than _the massacre_. Almost like a defense mechanism, like if he could diminish the magnitude of her betrayal, maybe he’d stop feeling so betrayed. 

Several shouts rang through the streets and after a weighty glance, Han ducked back through the doorway. Ben shrouded himself in the Force out of instinct and several ships came into his expanding awareness. 

“Go,” San Tekka rasped, ushering Ben out the door. “Quickly-”

Five transports approached the village from the south, kicking up a sandstorm in their wake. In a matter of moments, stormtroopers poured from the shuttles and the square dissolved into a mess of blaster fire. Ben reached for the saber clipped to his belt, but Han grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and yanked him into the shadows. 

“We have to help-” Ben hissed as his father pulled him further away from the fight. 

“We _have_ to get this data stick to your mother.” Han said gruffly, pulling his blaster from its holster. “Those people sealed their fate the second they started firing back.”

They crept between huts, dodging stray bolts and trying to make it back to the Falcon without being seen. Redirecting as much of the heavy fire as he could, Ben sent it careening back toward the squads of stormtroopers.

“How did they know we were here?”

“Does it matter?” His father shot back, giving them enough cover to slip out past a large rock formation.

They were almost back to the path that would lead them up and out of the crater when another ship came into view over Tuanul. A wave of cool dread passed through Ben at the sight of the upsilon class shuttle. There were only a handful of the First Order’s command who traveled in a vessel like that, each one of them worse than the next. 

“The old fool,” Han muttered. Ben followed his line of vision and spotted Lor San Tekka limping through the shootout, heading straight for the ship. 

“What is he doing?”

Han ducked along the rocks, pulling Ben after him. “Buying us time.”

They made it to the next outcropping and dropped behind a boulder less than five meters from the path, but also less than fifty meters from the square. Ben peered out over the top of their hiding place. The majority of the stormtroopers were corralling the townspeople into a huddle in the middle of the open-air market, while the rest of them looked on, guns directed at the citizens. 

The upsilon shuttle opened it’s bay ramp and a slight figure in a hooded cloak stepped out into the moonlight. 

Shock, followed quickly by nausea, swept through him as she descended upon the village. The four years since the incident had not been kind. She was no longer a teenager. Ben quickly calculated that she would be about 20, fully an adult, but there was also an agelessness to her. An obscurity to her posture and bearing that blurred her around the edges. Her face was gaunt, the hollows of her cheeks more pronounced than was healthy, and her pallor was a sickly shade of grey. Even from their position at the outskirts of town, Ben could see the distinct circles under her eyes. 

Her _eyes._

They were weary, and ancient, like she’d lived through enough horrors for several lifetimes.

Before he thought it through, Ben was standing, readying himself to charge. But he’d only moved a few inches when a hand clamped down on his shoulder to hold him in place. 

“Don’t even think about it-” Han growled and tightened his grip on the muscle between Ben’s neck and shoulder, sending a dull pain down to his fingertips. 

His impulse temporarily abated, Ben turned back to the square. 

“Welcome home, Rey-” Lor San Tekka said, not unkindly. 

She went still at his words, her eyes going sharp. “This is not my home and that is not my name.”

“I know what you call yourself,” challenged San Tekka. “We both know it's not who you truly are.”

“Your philosophizing is just as boring as I remember.” She paced back and forth in front of her prisoners, gaze roaming hungrily. “Give me the map old man... and maybe I will spare your village.”

San Tekka answered her with a sad smile. “We both know you will not.”

“Then stop wasting my time,” Rey pulled a long hilt from beneath her cloak and a blade, the color of fire, shrieked to life. She held the saber at eye level, inches from San Tekka’s throat. “Where is it?”

To his credit, Lor San Tekka stood tall and proud in the face of his imminent death. His voice was steady and his crystal blue eyes were clear. “It is far away by now…”

“Fantastic.” She raised the saber up over her head and brought it down in a slash. Ben clenched his eyes shut, turning away before the weapon hit its mark. The small burst of light that radiated from Lor San Tekka winked feebly in the Force and then went out, forever extinguished. Anger boiled in Ben’s chest that she had fallen so far, that she would take a life so brutally and without remorse.

A chrome plated trooper approached her, it’s armor clinking with each step. “Forgive me ma’am, but why is that fantastic?”

“Because,” Rey deactivated her weapon and scanned the square. Han and Ben ducked behind the rocks just before her eyes reached them. “He lied. Search everywhere. The map is still here-”

Han swore under his breath. “We’re gonna have to make a run for it. You go first, head straight for the Falcon and don’t look back. I’ll-”

“That’s ridiculous,” Ben interrupted. “You go first, that way I can cover you-”

“We don’t have time to argue about this-”

“If you came up with better plans then we wouldn’t have to-”

Footsteps approached and they both went silent, Ben barely breathing in an effort not to give away their position. 

A white helmet, with streaks of blood on its visor, appeared around the edge of the rocks and Han raised his blaster, ready to fire. The stormtrooper held up both his hands in surrender, stooping down to join them. 

“I’m not going to turn you in,” His modulated voice sounded young. “Do you have a ship?”

“What!?” demanded Han, his blaster still pointed between the soldier’s eyes. 

The trooper reached up and pulled his helmet off. He _was_ young, with dark skin and dark eyes. Ben felt a slight prickle at the back of his neck, a gut reaction to trust him. 

“I can help you escape,” He insisted. “Do you have a ship?”

Han turned to his son, looking bewildered. “Are you doing this?”

Not taking his eyes from the trooper, Ben shook his head.

“Of course we have a ship,” Han said. “What do you get out of it?”

The trooper looked between them, suddenly unsure of himself. “You take me with you..”

Ben searched his feelings and felt nothing but desperation. “You want to defect?”

The kid nodded. 

The larger, more rational, part of Ben was screaming that this was a trap. Stormtroopers didn’t desert the First Order, they were conditioned from childhood to be loyal to no one and nothing besides their commanding officers. The other part of him, the part that heeded the Force without question, understood that if someone was asking for a second chance, it was his responsibility to give it. 

Another round of footsteps approached and the trooper put his helmet back on before standing. 

“All clear back here,” he assured his fellow soldiers. After a brief conversation about which sections had already been searched, the patrol moved on. Once they were out of range, the rogue trooper hissed down to Ben and Han, “On my signal-”

“Talk about terrible plans,” Han whispered, more to himself than anything. “ _This_ is a terrible plan-”

The squad disappeared around the last row of huts and the trooper gestured toward the path, “Okay, go!”

Staying low to the ground, Han and Ben took off, going as fast as they could while still doubled over. Ben had his lightsaber hilt in his grip, but refrained from activating it in case it gave away their position. They were almost to the top of the crater wall when another patrol rounded the corner. 

There was nowhere for them to go, nowhere for them to hide, they were caught out in the open with no cover in sight. The squadron shouted after them, alerting the rest of the troops to their location. His father and the stormtrooper immediately fired, forcing the patrol to take cover and the three of them broke into a dead sprint across the desert. 

Blaster fire erupted from behind them and Ben finally gave in and loosened the barrier between himself and the Force. It flowed through him effortlessly, every life form and energy blast blinking to life inside his head. He did his best to divert the bolts but it wasn’t easy- there was a lot of blaster fire.

The downside to channeling the Force so freely, was the explosion of anger that ripped through his head like a lance. He must have burst into her awareness at the same time she surged into his, because for a moment, all he felt was fury. He pushed the second hand emotions aside and checked over his shoulder. Ben glimpsed his father and the stormtrooper dead on his heels, and beyond them, a line of soldiers spilling out along the crater ridge. Rey stepped out onto the dark horizon, and ignited, not one, but both ends of her weapon. The long hilt now a glowing saberstaff.

They were so close to the Falcon now, it was just past the next bluff and Ben skidded to a stop once the ship came into view. Turning to face the firing squad, he flung out his hands and froze the blaster bolts in midair; each new shot hitting his barrier, trapped in his blockade. The pure energy cracked and sizzled, but Ben held it in place until his father and the stormtrooper were in the clear. 

Teeth bared, Rey glared at him across the rocky wasteland and Ben stared right back.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben’s vision went red, and it had nothing to do with the burn of blaster shots radiating in front of him. 

The barricade held, but just barely. His hands shook from the strain and his feet were losing purchase in the loose sand. The Force flooded his system, sending his nerve endings alight and heightening his senses. Long dormant emotions, things he’d shoved down so deep he’d forgotten they existed, roared to life and demanded to be felt. 

He seemed to be on the cusp of… something. Some deeper well of understanding and purpose.

The outline of Rey wavered in the distance, her eyes still locked on his. 

_No,_ _not Rey._

She called herself Kira now. 

Grief pulled at him, along with outrage, at who she was and who she could have been. That lost future, and the acts she committed when she rejected it, taunted him across the length of desert between them.

Ben’s control broke.

And he _pushed_. 

Blaster bolts singed the air as they rushed backwards across the barren stretch of dirt. Kira blocked the two nearest with her saberstaff, but the rest found their marks. In the blink of an eye, the troops were decimated, only a handful left standing in the wake of his counterassault. 

Ben sucked in a breath and the oxygen cleared his head enough to be afraid. He stumbled back a few steps and found his father and the stormtrooper watching him from the Falcon ramp. Han’s expression was unreadable, but the stormtrooper gaped openly, fear and horror plain on his face. 

Shouts sounded from behind him, followed by blasterfire, reminding Ben that they weren’t in the clear. He chased after his Father, into the safety of the ship and didn’t dare try to freeze anymore bolts. 

Once inside, Han took off toward the cockpit, yelling for Chewie to take off. The Falcon lurched as it rose up into the air and Ben collapsed against an interior panel, his breathing unable to calm the storm still raging inside him. 

“You killed them,” The stormtrooper gasped, leaning against the far wall. “All of them, just like that-”

Ben let his head fall back against the cool metal and clenched his eyes shut. “They would’ve killed us.”

“They didn’t choose this life!” He replied fiercely. “They were stolen from their families, raised to fight for the First Order... You’re supposed to be the good guys-”

“We are the good guys,” Han grunted, limping back down the hallway. 

The stormtrooper gritted his teeth. “Not from where I’m standing.” 

“Well, right now-” Han stood to his full height and took a menacing step forward. “We’re all you got.”

The stormtrooper looked between them with a mix of shock and doubt. Ben didn’t think they looked all that threatening, with him still on the floor and Han, too old to know when not to pick a fight, but the stormtrooper did seem to realize he was outnumbered.

They waited in tense silence, but the confrontation didn’t come. After a few moments, the stormtrooper backed down, but he didn’t look any less conflicted. Ben felt something, the smallest ripple in the Force, as the kid wrestled with his newfound freedom and an idea began to take shape.

“There’s a suite around the corner,” Han said waving him off. “You need to get that armor off before _we_ go anywhere.”

Casting them one last look of intense dislike, the stormtrooper took his leave. The Falcon shuddered around them, transitioning from upper atmosphere to the black of real space. They were safe, for now. Though, Ben didn’t want to think for how long. It was only a matter of time before the First Order tracked them down, especially since _she_ knew what they had.

“We can drop him at the nearest habited planet-” Han suggested, offering a hand to pull Ben to his feet. 

Ben took it, standing gingerly and shook his head. “I have a few questions first.”

His father kept a watchful eye on him. “I’ve got a few questions myself…”

“I don’t know what that was,” Ben explained quickly, ignoring the echo of power still thrumming in his veins. “I’ve- I’ve never done anything like it.”

Han hummed noncommittally, and Ben could guess what he was thinking. He was a child again, his parents and uncle waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the catalyst that would push him to the dark.

“Was it because,” Han raised his eyebrows pointedly, “of _her?_ ”

Hating the way his heart pounded in his chest at the memory of their locked eyes, Ben tried to think of another reason, any other reason, that would have caused him to lose control like that.

“I don’t know.” 

* * *

\- 24 ABY -

_Rey’s stomach flips restlessly as they descend on Yavin IV. They haven't even made planet fall and she already regrets leaving Jakku. When her parents come back she won't be there. It doesn't matter that they left word with the other scrappers and spacers at Niima Outpost, it doesn't matter that Luke Skywalker offered to train her as a Jedi, it doesn't matter that she doesn't have to scavenge to survive anymore..._

_She needs to go back. Her family is coming for her, she can_ feel _it._

_Their cruiser breaks through the clouds and the jungle comes into view. Rey resists the urge to press her nose against the viewport. Trees, as tall as starships, grow tall and wide around a stone pyramid that is covered in twisting vines. She’s never seen this many plants in her life._

_“Is the whole planet like this?” Her voice sounds small, even to her own young ears._

_Master Skywalker chuckles, but not in a way that makes her feel stupid. He doesn't laugh like Unkar Plutt. Luke Skywalker’s laugh is warm and genuine and makes her feel like they are sharing a secret._

_“Most of this hemisphere is rainforest,” He explains. “But there’s an ocean in the north.”_

_Rey knows about oceans in theory, but she can't picture what that much water would even look like._

_He watches her for a long time before speaking again. “I can take you there someday, if you like?”_

_Rey doesn't answer. It doesn't matter what she wants. She isn't staying._

_Master Skywalker brings the ship down onto a landing pad just outside the pyramid. Once they are grounded, he cuts the engines and opens the back hatch. A blast of warm, wet air rushes up to meet them. It tickles Rey’s skin and makes her feel like she has to sneeze. It is nothing like desert heat. Desert heat is thin and ragged and sharp._

_This climate is different in all the best ways. The air is fluid and just a bit damp. Rey finds it oddly refreshing to be wrapped in its heavy embrace. She fills her lungs and doesn't breathe in a speck of dirt. It even tastes good._

_She follows Master Skywalker down the gangway to where a boy stands waiting._

_“Rey,” He says, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “This is my nephew, Ben.”_

_The boy called Ben is tall and wears robes similar to Master Skywalker’s. His hair is dark and his eyes are guarded as he looks her up and down. Rey has the distinct impression that he is rarely taken advantage of and she ducks behind Luke shyly._

_“Ben is going to show you around,” Master Skywalker reassures, moving Rey to stand in front of him. She can't help but notice that Ben doesn't look very excited about it._

_“Are you a teacher?” She asks, looking up at the boy._

_“Wha- No,” he replies hastily. “I’m an apprentice.”_

_“You’re a student?”_

_He gives her a slight smile, “Of a sort.”_

_The longer she looks, the less intimidating he seems. Rey even notices the tips of large ears peeking out from underneath his shaggy hair._

What do I do? _She asks the shadow in the back of her mind. The voice had come to her that very first night on Jakku, whispering soothing words and comforting thoughts of her family’s return, that one day they would come back. She just had to wait._

Stay, _the voice caresses._ For now…

_Master Skywalker gives her a gentle push and Ben turns sharply, stalking off in the direction of the temple. Setting her jaw, Rey jogs to catch up, her quarterstaff bouncing against her shoulder blades._

_She supposes it can't hurt to look around before deciding._

*

_Luke watches them disappear through the blast doors, a heady feeling of consequence weighing on him. Something significant will come from this meeting, he can feel it._

_The Force swirls around the two of them, but the future is clouded. Whether this mutual acquaintance will be for harm or good, he can't discern._

_A Skywalker and a Palpatine living under the same roof… is he_ crazy? 

_Is this the hope of an old fool, or is it possible for the next generation to heal the wounds of those who came before?_

* * *

\- 34 ABY -

Kira Ren matched General Hux step for step as they prowled the corridors of the Finalizer. Troopers and low level officers jumped out of the way, standing at attention against the walls until they passed. Even after all this time, Kira still relished the respect she commanded and the fear she inspired. Most of her life, she’d been powerless or at the mercy of others. 

She wasn’t anymore, and she would never be again. Snoke had promised her that.

Hux glanced at her smugly as they approached the communications chamber. No doubt he’d heard of her defeat in Tuanul. She kept her eyes forward and her head high, refusing to let his haughty satisfaction get the better of her. 

They reached the entrance and two guards, cloaked in red, stood aside to let them pass. 

The chamber was empty, save for the larger than life holo of Supreme Leader Snoke shimmering in the darkness. 

The briefest feeling of another consciousness brushed against hers. Not prying, but not discreet either. She’d long ago gotten used to Snoke’s presence inside her head, but it didn’t stop her wince as the memory of the Millennium Falcon’s escape rose to the surface. 

“So,” Snoke breathed, his rumbling voice echoing around the cavernous space. “The map will soon be delivered to the resistance.”

“I failed you,” Kira admitted, her voice strong even though her stomach was in knots. “But we have informants across the galaxy, we will find the Resistance. I will not let them get to Skywalker.”

“We cannot wait on spies forever,” Hux interjected. “I believe the weapon is ready. Once the Republic is destroyed, the Resistance will be left vulnerable. We can crush them before they reach the old Jedi.”

Anger, and a brief bloom of panic, rose in her chest at his words. The weapon wasn’t intended for use yet, she was supposed to have more time.

“Go,” Snoke dismissed. “Oversee preparations.”

Hux turned on his heel, throwing Kira a sardonic smirk as he went. She could have killed him, it would be so easy to cut off his airway, to stop the flow of blood to his heart...

“I expected more from you,” Snoke asserted, drawing Kira’s attention back to her master. “You know what will come to pass if the Skywalkers reunite.”

“I won’t let that happen-”

The Supreme Leader watched her knowingly. “You faced him.” Snoke reached out a holographic hand and claws raked the edges of her mind, pulling Kira’s turmoil of emotions to the surface. “You faced Ben Solo, and you lost.”

Flashes of the battle danced through her head, reliving the moment she’d stepped out onto the ridge and seen Ben running across the dark, desolate landscape. Hatred, relief, anger, longing, fear, bitterness... They all churned within her as she watched him skid to a stop and halt the bolts in mid-air so his father and the traitor could escape.

“The boy must die,” Snoke asserted slowly. “Why do you delay the inevitable?”

Gritting her teeth against the onslaught of unrest and conflict, Kira wrestled her mind from her master’s grasp and pulled one image to the forefront. The scorch of blaster shots rushing back from where they came from, almost three quarters of her unit gone in an instant. 

The moment where Ben erupted.

She kept her eyes and voice steady. “What if he could be turned?”

Narrowing his gaze, Snoke leaned forward on his throne. He scrutinized her inside and out, weaving himself into her psyche, looking for an ulterior motive. 

When he found none, he cracked a misshapen smile.

* * *

The hypnotic glow of hyperspace flashed through the viewport, turning the cockpit a faint blueish color. Ben leaned back in the pilot’s seat and let out a deep breath. Speaking to his mother always made his head spin. The ambush on Jakku all but confirmed the First Order had hacked the Resistance frequencies, which meant speaking in code was of the utmost importance. 

Hoping he hadn’t mixed up the key words, Ben punched their new destination into the nav. 

The Resistance had also implemented a full frequency blackout, and until they could encrypt a new transmission line, Ben would have to wait for further instructions at one of Leia’s safe houses.

 _Well?_ Chewie growled from his seat, hanging up the headset. _Where are we going?_

“To see an old friend,” replied Ben. “Though I doubt you and Dad should stay long. They’ll have a bounty out for the Falcon by now.”

 _What else is new,_ Chewie grumbled and adjusted their course in the hyperlane based on the new coordinates. 

Exhaustion caught up to him quickly and all Ben could think about was a nap. How long had it been since he’d slept? Thirty hours? Thirty-two? The dusty sleeper at the back of the ship sounded pretty good, but there was something he needed to do first. 

Ben stood, giving Chewie a quick pat on the shoulder as he went. After almost six weeks in hiding on Batuu, it was nice to be with family again. Even estranged family.

It was a gross oversimplification to say he’d never been close with his father. There didn’t seem to be a word in basic, or any other language he knew, that had enough nuance to describe their relationship. There was love there, Ben knew his father loved him...

They just didn’t have much in common. 

And though Han and Chewbacca’s presence in his childhood had been sporadic, it was still a comfort to know they would always come through. No matter what.

He strode through the corridor and found his father leaning against the passageway to the main hold, and past him, the stormtrooper slumped in the gametable booth. 

“Is he ready to talk yet?” Ben asked, keeping his eyes on the soldier. 

Han shrugged nonchalauntly, “He doesn’t seem to like us very much.”

Ben made a sound in the back of his throat that he supposed could have been a chuckle. He couldn’t tell, it’d been too long since he’d actually laughed. 

Han clapped him on the back before setting off toward the cockpit. 

Taking a steadying breath, he approached the gametable, letting the Force guide his steps. The stormtrooper didn’t look up when Ben sat down, but he didn’t get up and walk away either. Ben didn’t feel any overt aversion at his presence and took that as a good sign.

“What’s your name?” 

The stormtrooper twisted his fingers together, the briefest sign of agitation before speaking in a low voice, “FN-2187.”

“That’s not a name,” Ben scowled. “It’s a serial number.”

The stormtrooper kept his eyes downcast, shrugging ruefully.

“Can you tell me about… Kira Ren-” Ben asked, his voice sticking on her new name.

At the mention of _her_ , the stormtrooper’s face shuttered closed, a sense of guilt at his desertion swirling around him. Ben watched him from across the table, but refrained from trying to ease his discomfort. It was better that he come to terms with his defection now, rather than later. The information he could provide was too valuable

“We were friends,” He said after a long moment, his dark eyes flicking up to meet Ben’s before darting back to the table. “At least, as much as you can be in the First Order. I was assigned to her personal unit about three months ago, and she was always more friendly with me than the others. She never talked much, but I guess that’s why we got along…”

Ben tried to push past the knowledge that she was friendly with her comrades, maybe even kind. “Did she know you were Force-sensitive?”

“What?” The stormtrooper asked, clearly shocked by Ben’s assertion. 

“It makes sense,” Ben explained quickly. “The First Order’s programming is infallible… unless you have something else, an outside energy, a current, a _force_ , triggering a crack in your conditioning-”

“No-” He snapped. “No, I can’t do what she does, what you do... “

“Maybe,” Ben said, sitting back against the worn cushion. “Maybe not.”

He waited and wondered how long was polite to let the stormtrooper stew in this revelation. Ben assumed confronting the knowledge of a possible affinity would be a relief, but maybe reconciling it as an adult was beyond comprehension.

“Why did you leave?” Ben asked, unable to hold the question in any longer.

The stormtrooper shifted uncomfortably, opening and shutting his mouth several times before speaking. “What I’ve done, what I’ve seen... I didn’t want to fight anymore.”

Ben felt a brief rush of compassion. 

He could definitely understand that. 

“Look,” he asserted, determined to speak plainly. “You know we’re with the Resistance, but you don’t have to join us. When we get to where we’re going, you can do whatever you like, you can disappear if that’s what you want… but right now, you have the chance to change the course of the war.”

They stared at each other across the game table, stormtrooper and Jedi.

He let out a shaky breath, leaning toward Ben, “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update!! 
> 
> thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments on the first chapter, y'all are way to nice to me
> 
> here are two playlists that i have been listening to while writing  
> [dark rey](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1HjqWmaClXwVPWrCTbQAfM?si=Nrlw1x_3Qy2sPkTFbAOOng) & [good boy ben solo](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1HjqWmaClXwVPWrCTbQAfM?si=Nrlw1x_3Qy2sPkTFbAOOng)
> 
> as of right now, i am planning to update every monday... so see you next week <33


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey it's been two months lets jump back in!

The Finalizer crawled past the stars, drifting aimlessly through the Western Reaches. They were operating with a skeleton crew, over half of the contingent departing with General Hux for Starkiller Base, and leaving Kira and her soldiers behind with nothing to do but wait. 

And she hated waiting. 

Her trip back to Jakku had done nothing but increase the turmoil churning within her and idleness soon became her enemy. Too many doubts waited in the wings of stillness, too many questions, too many memories. 

Which was how she found herself in the belly of the ship, swinging her training weapon again and again, working her body to its limit. She moved through the forms with vigor, mercilessly pounding the target dummy until it no longer resembled its original shape. The steady hum of the engines pulsed through the balls of her feet and helped ground her stance, each strike an attempt to beat the conflicted parts of herself back into submission.

Her muscles ached, protesting after hours of drills, but she didn’t slow down. 

She couldn’t.

Kira hit harder, reminding herself of the freedom and purpose the Supreme Leader had given her. She’d been stifled before, denying her true nature. 

Rey had been weak. Rey had been vulnerable. Rey had been nobody.

But Kira?

Kira had a legacy. Kira had a birthright. Kira had power. 

She swung with all her strength, hating that girl she used to be, hating that she couldn’t be rid of the loneliness that ached in her chest like an open wound. 

The stave connected with a loud _crack_. The wood splintered and broke clean in two, the momentum of it knocking her off balance. 

Kira collapsed forward onto the training mat, catching herself on her hands and knees. With each breath, the hole in her heart grew. She tried, but she couldn’t stamp down the emotions fighting their way to the surface, and the rush of the Force that accompanied them. 

Her lack of fortitude only fanned the flames of darkness spreading through her veins. The roughly healed scars ripped open, her vision going blurry at the edges. Her lungs spasmed, and unable to hold it in for a moment longer, a sob erupted from deep inside her. 

“Ma’am?” 

Sucking in a sharp, shallow breath, Kira spun round. Reaching out a hand and reaching into the Force, she caught hold of the intruder and sent him flying backwards, slamming into the wall.

“I’m sorry,” The man gasped through her chokehold, scrabbling at the invisible bindings around his throat.

His insignia showed him to be a communications officer. Kira vaguely recognized him as one of her lieutenants but didn’t remember his name. Her lieutenants never lasted long enough for her to bother.

She let the tethers holding him to the wall slacken and he slumped forward, barely staying on his feet. 

“I’m sorry,” he croaked again. 

“What. Is. It?” Kira demanded, her voice echoing off the high ceiling.

“We-” He stammered. “We received a transmission.”

“What kind of transmission?” Kira stood and unwound the wraps on her hands. She feigned indifference but evaluated the officer closely, wondering which tactic would ensure discretion. She didn’t need rumors of her brief hysterics flying around the barracks. 

“It’s heavily encrypted,” The lieutenant continued, his voice still shaky. “But we believe it’s from the Black Diamond.”

Kira looked up, all thoughts of intimidating the officer into silence disappearing. “Do they have a location?”

“Yes, ma’am-”

“ _Where?_ ”

* * *

Takodana was exactly as Ben remembered. 

They made planet fall in the early afternoon, the bright sun glittering off Nymeve Lake and the overgrown forest sprawling out as far as the eye could see. They left the Falcon behind in a small clearing. Han begrudgingly agreed that a low profile was more important than a short walk and they trudged the two klicks to Maz’s on foot.

Ben brought up the rear, only half listening as Han tried to warn the stormtrooper about what they were walking into. All of his possessions were stuffed into the bag slung across shoulders and as he readjusted it, he felt mildly depressed that it was only half full. A change of clothes, some almost empty toiletries, and a half dozen credits were all he had to his name. 

That, and the lightsaber clipped to his belt.

All across the systems, the sight of his hilt commanded awe and respect. He could feel it in the air when he entered a room. It was a reminder to the galaxy that the Jedi weren’t extinct, a reminder that the New Republic continued to stand against oppressive regimes. 

A reminder to fight for freedom.

Ben kicked a rock from the path and watched it bounce into the undergrowth. He was a Jedi Knight. His very existence inspired hope, and he lived a life with no home and no belongings because of it.

To him, it seemed a poor trade.

“Just don’t talk to anyone,” Han concluded, giving the stormtrooper a meaningful look. “And don’t stare.”

The trees thinned and the towering stone structure came into view. Maz had added a few new banners to her collection, signs of welcome and allegiance to the different gangs and underground organizations she hosted on a regular basis. Ben saw the tattered orange and white flag in the distance, the Rebel Alliance emblem faded with age. 

He supposed it represented the Resistance now.

There were a couple of rough looking drifters milling about in the courtyard that gave Chewie and his crossbow a wide berth, but otherwise left them alone. Ben kept the Force at his fingertips and the walls around his mind secure, ready to jump into action if needed. 

Han led them up the stone steps, shoving open the heavy wooden doors and letting out burst of noise.

The tavern was packed. Maz’s castle was notorious for entertaining the seediest and most secretive crooks from across the systems, and judging by the full booths and crowded bar, her watering hole had only gained in popularity. Spacers, spice runners, smugglers, even a few off duty mercenaries all sat scattered about the pub. 

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Han muttered under his breath, letting his gaze drift around the mass of people. Ben found himself silently agreeing.

They had only taken a couple of steps inside when a ringing voice shouted out above the crowd. 

“ _CHEWBACCA_!” 

The entire place went silent, every set of eyes swinging around to face them. Both Ben and Han’s hands went to the weapons at their hips, preparing for a fight, but it didn’t come. Instead, a slight figure, wearing magnified safety goggles, pushed her way through the throng. 

Chewie let out a howl of delight, scooping Maz into his arms and spinning them around in a wide circle. 

“So much for keeping a low profile,” Han said, shaking his head and reactivating the safety on his blaster.

Chewie set the proprietor down on top of a nearby table, making her almost eye level as they chatted enthusiastically. Maz gave Chewbacca a half-hearted scolding for not coming to visit her sooner. 

“Leia sent word you’d all be coming,” She continued, turning her attention to Han and Ben. “I’ve got a accommodations set aside for you upstairs-”

“Actually,” Han interjected with a guilty smile. “It’s just the kids who’ll need it. Chewie and I got business-”

Maz scoffed. “Fine, but you’re staying for lunch.”

She led them to a corner table tucked away at the back of the room. Her gaze lingered on the stormtrooper as he squeezed in next to Chewie, but she otherwise didn’t comment. 

“You’re lucky,” Maz told them, motioning to one of her waitstaff. “We’ve got fresh kro fish stew today.”

She pulled on Ben’s sleeve before he could sit down and gestured for him to follow. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” She murmured, leading him down a curved stone stairwell. “I have something for you.”

They reached the bottom level of the castle and a corridor stretched out in front of them. Maz took him all the way to the end, stopping in front of the last opening on the left and punching in an access code. The door clicked open with a groan, it’s rusty hinges screeching in the deathly quiet of the cellar. 

“A miner from Bespin sold this to me a few months back,” Maz weaved her way through the cramped space, locating a small wooden chest and hefting it into her arms. “I don’t think he knew what it was, or what it could be worth to the right buyer-”

Maz held the box out to him and Ben only hesitated a moment before kneeling down in front of her. The force spun around them, a familiar prickle rising on the back of his neck in anticipation. Reaching out a hand, Ben ran his fingertips along the edge of the lid, the wood was weathered and cool to the touch. 

_Bespin..._

Hardly allowing himself to breathe, he lifted the latch and opened the lid. 

Inside, nestled between ancient packing cloth, sat a lightsaber. It’s hilt was long and slender, with a large activator switch nestled between the grip and an external magnetic dampener. 

Maz peered at him solemnly. “You know who this belonged to?”

Ben nodded, swallowing down the dryness in his throat. This weapon had been his uncle’s, and his grandfather’s before that. He lifted his gaze to meet Maz’s and she gave him a gentle smile.

“I suppose it’s yours now,” She spoke softly, the rasp of her outer rim accent soothing his tension at being gifted with such an heirloom. “Go on,” she prodded, holding the box up higher. “Take it.”

Ben’s fingers hovered for several long moments before he reached out and grasped the silver hilt.

He didn’t know what he expected, maybe a feeling of belonging? A rush of warmth at claiming what was rightfully his? A flash of insight gifted from the Force? But as his fingertips closed around the cool durasteel, all he felt was the thrum of the kyber crystal held within.

Lifting the weapon from its resting place, he held it at eye level and turned in end over end in his hands. 

If the blade held any secrets, it would not share them so easily. 

“Thank you,” Ben croaked, his voice throaty from disuse. 

“Your eyes are much too weary for someone so young,” Maz set the box down and rested a palm against his cheek. “Take heart Ben Solo, there _will_ come a day where you no longer have to fight.”

Ben pulled in a shaky breath. He would never get used to Maz and her uncanny ways of seeing directly to the heart of a person. 

Maz nodded once, closing the chest and returning it to the storage room. Ben pocketed the weapon, stuffing it into his bag and redoing the flimsy clasp. For so many years, living the life of a Jedi had left him jaded, his soul going frayed at the edges as he tried to walk the path of family legacy. 

But maybe- just maybe- with all its history and all it represented, this saber could cure the disillusionment that surrounded the future laid out before him. 

***

**\- 26 ABY -**

_He is twenty years old when Luke deems him ready to build his own weapon, taking him on the ancient rite of passage to Ilum. The planet had been abandoned after the fall of the Empire, but like much of the galaxy, it carries the scars of tyranny. Luke explains that the Emperor had been obsessed with absolute power, using the Kyber crystals beneath the surface to power not one, but two Death Stars._

_Ben of course knows all of this, having been raised on the stories of the Rebellion. Tales of the Galactic Civil War are a shadow that follow him wherever he goes, reminding him of the legacy that will one day pass to him._

_Whether he wants it or not._

_He lets Luke continue without interruption though, There seems to be a warning weaved into his words, a lesson to find if he listens hard enough. He understands once they drop out of hyperspace and Ilum comes into view. He knows the Empire mined the planet, but the damage left behind is more devastating than he ever could have imagined._

_A massive trench, several hundred klicks deep and a thousand klicks wide, wraps around the planet’s equator. A dark ribbon of exposed subterranean rock left gaping and stripped of all natural minerals._

_Ben can’t pull his eyes away._

_After bringing the cruiser down into the snowy woods, Luke takes them to the caves. As soon as they’re underground, Ben can feel the pulse of the Kyber crystals surrounding him, the Force flowing around, through, and between._

_They walk for hours, Ben waiting for a sign from the crystal that will choose him. Luke instructs him to stay open and receptive during the process, but he quickly grows impatient._

_“Can’t I just carve one out?”_

_Luke levels him with an evaluating stare and doesn’t answer._

_Ben reluctantly walks on, and it takes them another hour before he feels it. The dull pounding inside his head drawing him forward._

_They come into an open chasm, soft flickers of light cascading down through the deep stretch of rock and scattering the weak beams onto the cave walls in all different colors and shapes._

_It’s breathtaking, and Ben can’t understand why anyone would want to destroy this place. Nothing about it inspires a sense of power waiting to be harnessed, all he feels is awe at the perfection of nature and wonder at the Force and its ability to manifest itself in such a way._

_A muffled pulse, like a second heartbeat, pulls him across the jagged ground to the other side of the cavern. The closer he gets, the louder it becomes, until he can barely concentrate on anything else._

_He comes within arm’s length of the cave wall and his eyes scan the formations until they snag on a pale blue chunk of rock no larger than his thumb. It would be indistinguishable from the crystals growing around it, except for the twinkle of light thrumming along to the same cadence that is currently drowning out all of his senses._

_Ben reaches out a hand and he barely has to exert any effort. The crystal breaks off willingly, the little pulse of life beating against his palm._

_There is little in Ben’s life that is truly his own, he doesn’t have much by way of personal effects. Luke and the other instructors caution against getting attached to material possessions and Ben has done his best to set a good example for the other apprentices..._

_But he can’t help the wave of possessiveness and satisfaction that overtakes him. This crystal chose him. It belongs to him. Will always belong to him, and no one else._

_He squeezes the gem, its rough edges digging into the skin of his hand, and turns to see Luke beaming with pride. His uncle claps him on the back enthusiastically, plunging into instructions on how to meditate with his crystal._

_“There are ways to know how to best channel its energy within the mechanics of a lightsaber-” he says, but Ben is only half listening._

_His hand is warming around the crystal._ His crystal, _he reminds himself, and he will use it to build his lightsaber._

_The weapon of a Jedi Knight._

_That future that always seemed so far away is now staring him in the face, and Ben isn’t sure if he’s ready for it._

_He keeps his insecurities to himself, and lets Luke lead him back through the tunnels and out into the wintery sunshine._

* * *

**\- 34 ABY -**

Maz disappeared into the crowd as soon as they reentered the main pub, shouting at her staff to restock the dishes in the back. Ben watched her go, his grandfather’s saber and the star chart leading to his uncle a heavy weight in the bag across his shoulders. He drifted between the cramped chairs and booths, too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice the new addition at their corner table. 

“How are you, Solo?” hollered Poe Dameron, getting up from his seat and smacking Ben on the shoulder. “Still a grump?”

“Dameron,” Ben muttered by way of greeting, grabbing the spare cup of caf from the table. “Still short?”

Poe laughed riotously and Han shot Ben a pointed look that said _be nice._

Ben didn’t make any promises. 

“Han was just telling me about Jakku-” Poe slumped down into his chair and Ben took the seat next to his father. “Sorry to hear about San Tekka, I know he was a friend.”

“He was,” Ben acknowledged as politely as he could.

“Still doesn’t explain you though,” Poe continued, turning his attention to the stormtrooper. “What’s your story?”

FN-2187 shifted uncomfortably and looked frantically between Han and Poe, probably remembering his strict orders not to talk to anyone. 

“He helped us escape,” Han answered vaguely. 

“Really?” Poe raised his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because it was the right thing to do...” The stormtrooper replied with conviction. 

Poe barked out a laugh and rested his elbow on the seat back. “You needed a pilot-"

The stormtrooper opened and closed his mouth twice trying to find a response while Poe grinned in that effortlessly charming way of his. Thankfully, Maz returned to their table with a tray laden with steaming bowls of stew, interrupting their conversation as she handed out spoons and roti bread. Ben tore into his meal without ceremony, the broth a little too fishy for his liking, but the roots were cooked to perfection and he felt a bit of good temper return to him with each bite. 

“Never underestimate the power of a hot meal,” Maz said kindly, giving Ben a brief pat on the arm and pulling up a chair. 

They sat and ate and talked, Maz giving Han updates about the smuggling rings that still passed through her tavern and Poe revealing that he’d been sent to retrieve Ben and take him back to base. Ben silently cursed his mother for sending Dameron. She knew the pilot annoyed him to no end. 

The stormtrooper sat quietly, sipping his soup and listening to the conversation flow around him. Ben wondered more than once what he thought of the information flying between Dameron, Maz, and Han.

What he planned on doing next. 

Several patrons cried out in shock, drawing Ben’s attention to a round, orange and white droid barreling through the crowd. It trilled out several high pitched beeps as it came to a screeching halt next to their table. 

The droid only gave them a split second warning before the ground beneath them began to tremble. Ben felt the missiles before he heard them, screeching across the lake. Before he could brace himself for it, an explosion rocked the highest tower of the structure and sent the ceiling crumbling down around them. 

A large section of stone plummeted toward their table from above. Ben reached into the force and pushed, sending all of their chairs skidding back across the floor out of harm’s way. The rock crushed the table they’d just vacated and sent up a blinding cloud of dust in its wake. 

Bricks continued to fall around him and chaos erupted. Deafening screams for help and cries of pain echoed through the ruins but one voice stuck out above the rest. 

“Ben!” Han’s muffled shout sounded from the other side of the debris. 

“We’re good!” Ben yelled back, stumbling over to Maz and helping her to her feet. “Get out of here!”

Maz coughed through the soot and grit of her destroyed castle, he could feel her anger and shock at the brazenness of whoever attacked. The Takodana Castle had stood for a thousand years, and now it was collapsing around them. 

She met his gaze, her despair evident in her too large eyes. 

There would be time for mourning later, but right now, they needed to get out. 

“This way,” Maz rasped, lumbering through the destruction and leading Ben back toward the cellar.

Another chunk of the castle tumbled down and they ducked through a half collapsed doorway just as the corridor behind him was reduced to rubble. Slivers of light rippled through the haze and beckoned them forward, along with the shriek of TIE Fighters in the distance.

This was the second time in three days the First Order had appeared, and as Maz led them closer to daylight, Ben began prioritizing his theories as to how the military faction of the empire’s remnants kept locating him. Each possibility was less likely than the next, but the brashness of this violence gave him pause. The First Order had never attacked out in the open like this. Never assaulted an outpost just for the sake of destruction... and there was no doubt they were out for destruction. 

Ben kept moving, hoping beyond hope that his father and Chewie had made it out. 

Eventually the fog of dirt and rock cleared. Stroomtroopers ran in pairs, corralling and searching Maz’s patrons, and off in the distance, the forest swayed unaffected by the bloodshed happening at its borders.

Maz nodded to him once, wishing him good bye and good luck with that one simple gesture before jogging off as fast her legs would carry her, blaster drawn and face set.

Ducking behind destroyed ships and dodging blaster fire, Ben went the opposite way, in the direction of the forest. 

His father had one rule above all others... When a job goes sideways, meet back at the Falcon. 

* * *

The courtyard was chaos, blaster fire erupting from every direction, stormtroopers (men and women he’d known and trained with) shooting to kill and taking no prisoners. The castle lay in ruins, a crumbling husk of the impressive structure it had been. Was it possible he’d passed through this place less than an hour ago? 

No less, accompanied by a Wookie, a Rebellion General, and his Jedi son.

It was hard to wrap his head around the last two days.

The pilot called Poe kept them at the outskirts of the fighting, his orange and white droid following closely behind. After the building had collapsed with them inside and they’d been separated from the rest of their group, Poe had put a spare blaster in his hand and told him to lay down some cover.

Now, only half a squadron of troopers stood between them and the safety of the trees. 

“My ship is just through there,” Poe hissed. “Can you shoot?”

“Blasters I can-”

“Same principle,” The pilot answered, keeping his eyes on the First Order soldiers. “When we get in the air, you’ll take the gunner while I call for backup.”

They both peered out from behind their hiding spot to see the squad moving further away, toward the heavy fire. 

“What’s your name?” Poe asked. 

“FN-2187...”

The pilot stared at him for a long moment. 

“It’s the only name they ever gave me,” he clarified quietly. 

“Well, I’m not using it,” Poe replied, jaw set. “FN? I’m gonna call you Finn. Is that alright?”

Warmth cracked open inside his chest. “Finn? Yeah, I like that-”

“Good-” Poe replied with a grin. “Alright Finn, let’s do this.”

* * *

Kira prowled through the trees in search of the one force signature that burned brighter than all the others. She was deep in the forest at the base of the bluffs, the trail overgrown or non-existent. 

And he was close. She could feel it. 

Increasing her pace, she stomped through the undergrowth, charging into a clearing at the same time Ben Solo appeared in the far treeline. His face went pale at the sight of her and she relished the panic in his expression as she intercepted his path to escape.

They stared across the small meadow for several long moments. No weapons, no words, just the sizzle of energy crackling in the air as they sized each other up. 

“You don’t have to be this person,” Ben said softly, finally breaking their tense silence. 

“I chose this,” Kira answered, her voice deadly as the Force sparked and jumped around her fingertips. “When have you ever chosen anything?”

Even from this distance, she saw a muscle jump in Ben’s jaw, a sign that her barb hit its mark, and so she plowed on. “You’re not a good Jedi. You never have been. Too much defiance, too little patience…” Taking several slow steps toward him, she softened her voice and widened her eyes in significance. “Imagine being free.”

His gaze never left hers, the tenor of his voice dropping sadly. “You’re not free.”

“I am.” Kira answered, the embers of anger roaring to life as he regarded her with such pity.

“You’re shackled,” He continued, ignoring her declaration and pulling his lightsaber from his belt. “Now, more than ever.”

Rey released her own hilt and grasped the familiar weight in her palm. Ben pulled the strap of his bag over his head, discarding it next to a large trunk and Kira felt a slight tug as her eyes lingered on the canvas. Something in that bag called to her, but she pulled her attention back to the man across the clearing.

She had a job to do.

They both settled into fighting stances, but neither ignited their blades. 

“Giving yourself over to the dark side won’t fill that emptiness inside you...” 

Fed up with the philosophical sparring, Kira loosed the restraints inside her chest and let the Force flow freely. 

“Won’t it?” Igniting her blade, she lunged. 

Ben blocked her predictably and she whirled around him, using her quickness to beat his brute strength. 

They were a blur of limbs and light, red and blue flaming and clashing through the lush woods. As they both went deeper into the Force, Kira found she could feel his every thought, his every move before he made it. 

They began a steady rhythm, neither truly fighting to kill and both feeling the Force flow between them. Where Ben thrust, she blocked. When Rey cut, he dodged. Their blades connected and sent vibrations out in all directions and Kira had to change her strategy, working her way around him so she was between Ben and his bag. 

A dull ache began to pulse behind her eyes the closer she got and something about it was familiar. Though, she couldn’t place where she had felt it before.

Ben, either tired of dancing around unscathed or catching onto her plan, tried to halt the sweep of her saber with the Force. It did little to slow her strike. Kira dove into his control and broke her hands free of his grasp in a matter of seconds, resurfacing less tolerant for this non-lethal game.

They both charged, blades striking in a shower of sparks.

“Your form is sloppy,” Ben hissed, using their bladelock to pull her closer. 

“You can’t lecture me,” Rey spat back, twisting her saberstaff and knocking him backwards into a tree. “I’m not a child anymore-”

She was on him in an instant, her hood falling back from her face and her hair coming loose from the braid cascading down her shoulder. Kira noticed how his gaze lingered at the low cut of her tunic as he put all his strength into pushing her blade away from his throat. 

“Only the childish,” he grunted, “have to reinforce that they are not, in fact, children.”

She grinned wickedly. “Is this how you look at children-”

His breath hitched as she pressed her hips flush with his. 

The distraction did it’s job, Ben’s neck and cheeks going pink at the sudden press of her body against his.

“Think about it,” Kira murmured, the heat of their blades against her cheek, her mouth a breath away from his. “You and me, what we could be, what we could do… _We_ could make the rules.”

A blast of energy knocked her back several steps and Ben’s eyes glittered with a simmering rage. She was close, so close, to tapping into that river of anger that lived buried beneath the surface of his composure. 

“I’m not turning,” He said flatly, stalking toward her and twirling his blade into a reverse grip. “So you can stop trying.”

Kira smirked. “It was worth a shot-”

Readying for her next pass, she spun her lightsaber quickly and ignited the other end. 

They assessed each other for a moment, both feeling that uncanny connection as they twisted and molded the Force to obey their commands. Kira was positive Ben would open with a broad stroke, followed up by several quick swipes at her chest. It was his pattern, one he rarely ever broke.

It was almost boring, how predictable he’d become. 

Blazing, blistering, burning balls of pure energy seeped into her perception, and Kira tilted her head at Ben curiously until she realized the fiery ruins were steadily increasing in her awareness, and they were coming from above. 

Looking upward at the same time, Ben and Kira watched in horror as the projectiles that felt like stars, but weren’t stars at all, streaked across the clear blue sky. Within seconds, the explosives hit their marks and excruciating pain burst into her head, turning her vision white. Doubled over, she heard Ben cry out in anguish as the Force churned and swelled. There was no blocking it, they were both channeling it too thoroughly, and as millions of lives blinked out of existence, Kira knew exactly who- and what- was responsible. 

“What was that-” Ben croaked from across the clearing. He was also on the ground, propped up on his hands and knees, and the look he was giving her was borderline deranged. 

Kira didn’t answer, she was still trying to catch her breath. Still trying to reconcile the fact that she hadn't been consulted or even notified that the weapon was ready and fully operational. 

“WHAT WAS THAT?” Ben roared, staggering to his feet and raising his lightsaber. 

She blocked his blow, but it knocked her sideways. Falling to the ground, Kira rolled but she couldn’t think, couldn’t retaliate, her brain refusing to catch up to her surroundings. 

All those lives, all those planets. Gone. In an instant. 

Ben swung again, this time a vertical strike down toward her torso. The strength behind his blow cracked and split her saberstaff in two, one of the ends blinking into nothingness. Shocked, Rey dashed back, picking herself up off the ground. She could feel the mechanics of her weapon straining to hold the power building up in the crystal and she disengaged her blade and tossed it aside before it could blow up in her hands. 

Too distracted to sidestep, Ben tackled her. Kira lost command of her body first, going still in the dirt. She knew how to break his hold but she couldn’t get past the overwhelming sense of panic at him having full control over her bodily functions. 

His hands had her wrists pinned above her head, his knees bracketing her hips on either side, but it was unnecessary, his Force-hold had her more than restrained. 

“What. Was. That.” He asked for a third time, his face inches from her own. 

She only half registered what he was asking, but before she could try to answer, Ben plunged into her thoughts. Her shields were nonexistent, any walls she had built around her mind, vanished as he riffled through the turmoil of her mind. 

Memories flashed, a child in the desert, a teenager standing in a burning temple, a woman writhing on a stone floor as she learned the ways of the dark side. Pressure twinged with pain wracked her insides as he took and took and took.

Until finally, a dark council room took shape, the blueprints for Starkiller Base glowing above smooth black granite. General Hux reporting on the progress they’d made. 

“No-” Kira breathed. She’d never been a supporter of the weapon, but she couldn’t give away Order secrets. Snoke would kill her for jeopardizing any facet of their plans. 

Pushing back, Kira only intended to kick him out of her psyche, but in an instant, she found herself no longer in her own mind. 

If she was a wildfire, then Ben was an ocean, and not a calm one. His thoughts went deep, and flowed and thrashed like a riptide. Through his eyes, she saw the day she arrived on Yavin IV; skinny, dirty and wild. She also saw the day she left, felt the smoke in Ben’s lungs, felt the scorching heat as he pulled Luke Skywalker from the rubble. 

As soon as Ben realized what was happening, he reeled back; pulling out of her mind and pushing her out of his. 

Finally having control over her own body again, Kira punched him square in the jaw. Rolling out from beneath him, she tried to scramble back but she barely got a few feet away when she felt the crackle of a lightsaber against the back of her neck. 

“I can’t let you leave,” Ben spoke, his voice so low it was barely audible. “Not after this.”

Swallowing down the fear, Kira watched as he walked around to face her. 

“Is this who you serve-” He demanded, his voice and eyes thick with emotion. "Is this what you've become?

Kira stayed silent, the hiss of his blade a whisper against her throat. As he looked down at her with such revulsion, and disappointment, she knew Ben would kill her. Knew there was no stopping it. 

She also knew she would deserve it. Millions of lives were taken today. An entire system snuffed out like a candle. 

She deserved it… but she didn’t want to die. 

Ben took another step closer, readying himself for the final blow, and Kira sent a plea out into the Force. 

_Help me. Please._

And the Force answered. 

From the beneath the flap of his canvas bag on the other side of the clearing, a lightsaber shot into her outstretched hand. Kira set it alight with one press of her thumb, blocking Ben and kicking out with her legs at the same time. As he fell down toward the ivy and dirt, Kira elbowed him hard in the temple. 

He was unconscious by the time he hit the ground. 

And she ran. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! comments and kudos are so so appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> hello my name is hannah :) you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/takearisk__) or [tumblr!](https://prinecssleia.tumblr.com)


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